Archive for July, 2013


Thinking the Unthinkable

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

It’s July 30th, a year after Steve’s body was found. I went to visit the place where he was found and went to the cemetery to bring flowers and said a prayer for him.

Flowers for Steve

Flowers for Steve

I was dreading this day. I wasn’t really sure how my day will pan out. But I guess, I have to go on as I do everyday – go to work and then take care of Kyle when I get home.

It had been more than a year since the unthinkable happened. And yet, the memory is still fresh like it was only yesterday. The pain is raw like a wound that wouldn’t heal. I still can’t believe he’s gone. A few days ago after all these months, our little munchkin asked me that he wanted to see his Daddy…that he missed him. I was speechless and all I could do was to hug our little one.

Reading books and positive affirmations sometimes help me alleviate this heaviness in my heart.  I’m trying to live through this but sometimes it can be too much.  Out of necessity, I’d compartmentalized my grief, and I read somewhere that it can only work so far. What I know for sure is that I’ll never forget the people who had caused so much pain to Steve.  Losing Steve hurt me, my son and my family in ways that can’t be quantified. They will be held accountable for their actions. And when that happens, then maybe I will finally be at peace.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” ~ Washington Irving

In closing, I would like to request to say a little prayer for Steve’s eternal peace. Thank you.

Fourth of July, 2013.

Thursday, July 4th, 2013

Happy Independence Day!

We are just celebrating the Fourth of July, quite low key. We’ll be having hotdogs & we’ll be watching the fireworks tonight. And I thought to myself as if  I were talking to him right now, “you’ll be missing the fireworks, hon.”